Parenting and Parental Desire

Check out this posting on CraigsList's volunteers-wanted section:

http://sandiego.craigslist.org/vol/44692536.html

Reply to: anon-44692536@craigslist.org
Date:
2004-10-06, 8:47AM PDT
My 9yr old son has decided that he wants to help out
the community. He's
looking for a location to donate the use of their
building for a dance. The
event would take place in November. We need to
have it booked so that we can
finish with the rest of the promotion and
sponsorship gathering.

The dance will be all ages. No alcohol will
be served. Entry fees are just
1 package of new socks or underwear.
Rejalla's Sock Hop will donate all the
items raised to the annual Christmas
dinner put on by Maxine Wilson, who passed
away earlier this year. Rejalla
has attended and volunteered at her dinners for
the past 6 years (yes, since
he was 3 - he started out serving slices of bread!)

This event is
very important to my son. He wants as many people to get
involved as
possible, so that those who need it most can benefit.

Please, send
any information or help to rejalla@jillstrades.com.

Thanks,
Mom to wonderful, big-hearted son!

So very odd.

I was most interested to read how this woman signed the posting: "Mom to wonderful, big-hearted son!" ... why would a 3 year old kid voluntarily offer to serve bread at a holiday dinner? Why would a 9 year old independently push to organize a dance and clothing drive? Judging from the situation and the way this was written, it seems more likely that either:

(1) The mother is projecting her desire onto the child. By this I mean that she is naturally giving and is using her child as a conduit through which to make things happen. Who WOULDN'T want to help a 9 year old kid make the world a better place, after all?

(2) The mother *wants* her child to be "big-hearted"... and wants to advertise it. I think this is more likely.

It's natural to want to brag about your kids -- about their musical accomplishments, about their sporting skills, about their intellectual accumen, or about their drive and perseverence. But where is the line that separates recognition FOR THE CHILD and recognition FOR THE PARENT. In other words, is it proper, as a parent, to let your child's accomplishments reflect on you, or should those accomplishments be owned BY THE CHILD?

I would argue that accomplishments (and problems) should be owned by the child. In the early years, the principle parental role is one of sheltering -- protecting the child from the dangers around him. In later years, the principle role is one of guidance -- teaching the child how to effectively interact with the world around him. Later still, the principle role is one of consultation -- offering assistance where requested.

In countries like the United States where individuality and personal (in a truly *individual* sense) responsibility are highly valued cultural traits, it's important to encourage children to stand on their "own to feet" as early as is reasonable. Raising children to bring glory to the family name not only fails to accomplish this, but it also increases the probability that the child will forcefully assert their culturally natural tendency to seize their own personal responsibility.

The woman in this posting may or may not be acting in this way -- there is too little information to make a definitive decision -- but it is important for every child, regardless of family status, to be given the opportunity to make a name solely for him or herself, to know that in the history book of the world, they stand as their own entry and not a footnote to that of their parents.

"Was Jesus the Son of God?"

Well, if you're asking and want a short answer, I'd say, "Let's have a cup of coffee...", but if you want the long answer, well, that's a little more complicated.

The reason for this is that if you're talking to a Christian person and you say anything that implies or gives any hint of doubt that you don't believe in the divine Jesus/God Son/Father relationship, you'll be discounted as a non-believer. I consider myself a believer and wouldn't want to give that impression ... so it's important to explain these things fully.

The question you asked is actually a dual-layer question:
- Is Jesus (the man) the son of God (the deity)?
- Was Jesus (the literary figure) the spokesman/carnation of god (the literary father)?

The reason I say this is that one can look at Christianity on either a literal level (there was a *real* man who held a *real* chalis, etc) in which everything in the Bible is an accurate historical account of real events ... or look at it more as one big parable through which meaning and guidance is given. I'm hesitant to say it because of the implications for people who believe in literal Christianity, but I feel that the later (as a parable) is a more advanced, intellectual, and productive way to view it. The difference is that if you follow Christianity literally, you search for answers to questions like, "What did Jesus say to Pontius Pilate?" instead of questions like, "Why would the writer include this utterance instead of something Jesus said at some other time?" Likewise, it's the difference between asking, "Do you believe that Jesus is the son of God?" and "Why does Jesus represent a father/son relationship with God?"

The point of all this is to give a reason why, if someone asks me if I believe Jesus is the son of God, I answer, "I don't think it really matters." The physical man named Jesus who died around 32AD may or man not have been God's son -- it doesn't really concern me. What *does* concern me is whether or not the Bible is divinely inspired. That is to say, do I believe that the Bible contains the thoughts of God penned through man's hands? The answer to that is, "Yes."

Which is what I find so great about the book. I think you can study the book and, if you're open to it, hear God's word ... but I also don't think the Bible has a monopoly on God's word. This is where spirituality comes in as a contrast with religion. People who are spiritual and seek out that meaning (I'll call it "meaning", but you can also call it "truth" or "understanding" or "peace") are searching for the same thing, I think -- it doesn't have to come from the Bible.

So do I believe that Jesus was God's son? Sure. But answering that question doesn't get me anywhere... I think it tends just to bog people down in arguing about, in my opinion, insignificant things. How much time has been wasted trying to find Noah's Ark? How much importance has been put on finding the Arc of the Covenant? How much arguing has gone into teaching evolution vs. creation? As far as I'm concerned, these are secondary topics, the outcome of any of them are significant -- to be sure -- but answering them doesn't lead to a fuller, more fulfilling and peaceful life.

Hopefully you see why I can't just answer a question like this one without discussing it. Things like this deserve to be an essay question... not a true/false one.

A Little Intro

So I've got another Blob which is more of daily life diary, but I try to keep those posts somewhat coherent. But that leaves some random thoughts, or emails I write, or discussions I get into that simply have no place to go. Now they do. Enjoy!